We Can Get Through it Together

I recently learned that this week was National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. So in honor of that, I have a confession. I struggle with that.

It started when I was fifteen and the pregnancy rumors were out of control. I couldn’t take it anymore so I started eating an apple a day for about 3 months. Then my mom noticed something was up, but I quickly just started shoving food down my throat so she wouldn’t confront me about it.

And I was fine for a while. Then, when I was maybe 17, and I was dealing with a lot. I had anxiety, school, college to think about, and so much, I felt like I had no control over anything. And I’m not 100% sure when it happened but I just minimized my meals to one meal a day. After I graduated, I was still doing it. A family member looked at me one day in mid-June or July and said “Man you got thin.” And I just kind of laughed and asked “Huh?” And she said “When I came to see you for your graduation, you were a bit chunky. You look better now.”

So I just kept on, thinking ‘Okay, so this’ll what I’ll do from now on.’ (DISCLAIMER: Also, I love the family member that said that, she isn’t to blame or anything!) but And somewhere along the way, I went a day or two without eating. I wouldn’t mind. I didn’t think about it.

Now to present day. I make meals for my mom, sisters, whoever wants something. But if I wanna eat, I never know what to eat, or if I wanna eat. My mom’s been cracking down on if I’ve eaten, what I’ve eaten. And I thought she was just being paranoid. Then I went to buy slacks for my new job the other night and I couldn’t find any “proper” slacks that fit. I found a substitute, but when I got home, I was so upset because I’d let it get so bad that I couldn’t find clothes that fit anymore. I feel more comfortable in baggy stuff, though, so when it comes time to find clothes that fit, I don’t think about it.

I’m working on it. I am. When I was in school I weighed 115/120. Now I’m 105/106 and it’s crazy. So if you’re struggling like me, we’ll get through it together. We just can’t let the struggle win. I’m always here to talk to!